I Couldn't Resist...

I had to post this since I would LOVE to live in Australia.  I love, love, love the people that I met there and am still in contact with them today (thank you Facebook).  They really are amazing, caring, funny, genuine people...


These Questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

__________________________________________________

> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

> A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

> A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

> Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

My Thoughts Exactly...

I received this email from a friend of mine. It's like the author read my diary.  These are the types of things that go through my head...

1.  Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2.  Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself  to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by  randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

3.  I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4.  There is a great need for a sarcasm font

5.  I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one  who really, really gets it.

6.  How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

7.  I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

8.  I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

9.  The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

10.  Was learning cursive really necessary?

11.  LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

12.  Whenever someone say's "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

13.  How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

14.  I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay
 strong, brothers and sisters!

15.  While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

16.  MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.  Pretty sure I  know how to get out of my neighborhood.

17.  Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

18.  I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

19.  Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

20.  I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

21.  Bad decisions make good stories.

22.  Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures?  Don't mind if I do!

23.  Why is it that during an icebreaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

24.  You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

25.  Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. I finally just got rid of all the old Videotapes.

26.  There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

27.  I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

28.  While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

29.  I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

30.  I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

31.  I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

32.  Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

33.  It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

34.  I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

35.  Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

36.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass  everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

37.  My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

38.  I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

39.  I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Benincosa-Fest... How to celebrate your birthday Cosa style.

As some of you may know, birthdays have become quite a big deal in my family.  I don't even know how far back this goes, but we've always had great traditions for each birthday.  Growing up with five siblings, it seemed we were celebrating all year long!

(Gina, VJ, me, Pop and Traci.)

A couple of things that are mandatory in the Benincosa family are as follows -- and this pertains to the birthday girl/boy:

* You get to pick what Mom is cooking for dinner!  Not to mention what kind of cake you want!  (Mine is always chocolate with chocolate, plus Extreme Moosetracks ice cream).  I remember having Top Ramen every year for a while until my mom introduced us to an amazing chicken taco salad, which I've had pretty much ever since.

*  Gramma ALWAYS called on your birthday and sang you the Birthday Song.  This has become more of a tradition as we now all call each other and sing.

*  After the Birthday Song is done, and you've blown out the candles, you get to stick your finger in the part of the cake that you want to be your piece!  This has become VERY fun since we have come to try and shove the Birthday Boy/Girl's whole hand in the cake ;)  I'm not sure how this started, but I'm pretty sure I may have had a part in it...  Now you have to try and do it as fast as you can so your whole hand doesn't get cake-ified!

*  The last piece of cake is YOURS!  No matter how long it takes you to eat it, it is yours.

These are the main traditions we have had growing up and still practice to this day.  But there have been some improvements to the Cosa Birthdays....

It all started with my brother when he was, I think, in high school.  He began calling his birthday VJ-fest and taught me that it was ridiculous to celebrate your birthday on just one, single day.  And thus, it has become a week long celebration!  After all, when you have several groups of different friends, you must celebrate with each of them!

The next tradition started in about 2001, but I am not quite sure.  (I had to call my sister Traci to verify, but that's what we've estimated.)  When it is time to sing the Birthday Song, everyone sings it in their own way, own tempo, and own volume.  That's right.  A few of you have even been fortunate, or unfortunate, to experience this song.  It is an amazing event to be had, let me tell you.  Just think of an orchestra warming up before a big show and that's us!

(Mom, Tiffer, Pop, Me, Ash, Gina, Traci - Some things never change!)

And so goes the birthday festivities in the Benincosa family.  AND, somebody's birthday is coming up soon!!!  (That would be me, if you didn't know)  :0D