IDK, my BFF Music?

I know I've said it before, but Music plays a vital role in my life.  It is my best friend.  Always there for me.  It speaks to my very soul.  Everyday.



As a lot of you know I have a very difficult time conveying my emotions.  (Well, at least any negative ones.)  I go around with a smile on my face even if I am screaming inside.  I push all of my pain, my hurt and anger deep down and ignore it.  I am always in a seemingly good mood.  I crack jokes and laugh at yours.  But on the inside, I may not be feeling the same as how I portray myself.

I choose to hide it.  I choose not to burden anyone with my negative feelings so as not to burden you.  Plus, they say laughter heals.  Smiles take less muscles than frowns (supposedly).  So I keep it to myself and be "happy."

Queue Music.

Music is my way of expressing how I feel.  It is my release.  It is how I relate to the world how I am truly feeling at one time.  (Only it's usually in private if tears are involved.  This is because I HATE to cry.  It is second only to the feeling of vomiting.)  I choose not to share my negative feelings with others because I don't want to cry.  I don't want to give my negative energy to you and I don't want to cry.  I would rather you be happy and not worry about me.

This is why I release all of my pain through Music.

One of my favorite female artists is Ingrid Michaelson.  She has truly been my savior thus far.  Her Music touches me and declares the feelings and emotions that I cannot.  It helps me express my joy through the songs "Everybody" and "You and I."  It helps me divulge my sadness with a handful of songs off of this same album like "All Love," "Maybe," "The Chain," and "Sort Of."  This Music is my comfort.  My solace.  It is my hug when I am feeling blue.  Because it knows exactly how to speak the words that I cannot.  It knows exactly how to put those feelings I am struggling with  into sound.  It envelopes me with its warm rhythms and melodies and holds me there until I fall asleep.

And it works.  For me.

So please forgive me if I don't open up completely when I am feeling blue.  I just need a moment with my music...